I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
