Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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