Its about making memories worth repressing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
