i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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