I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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