What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
