dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize