May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
