My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize