His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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