Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
