Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
