Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
