So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
