I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
