someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize