so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize