pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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