What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
