My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize