Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
