mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So much Jack, so little girl.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
