it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
