she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
