first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize