addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
