he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
