He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
