im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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