i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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