Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want her autograph on my taint
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
