Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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