I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
