Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
