i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
