She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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