Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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