So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
