remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this boner is exhausting
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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