tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
