wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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