I wish I could teleport
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
