My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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