He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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