cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
