i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
