I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
