Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
