ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize