I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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