You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
