hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
