i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
