you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
