Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
