This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just pee around me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
