I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
