i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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