I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize