we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize