Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
