So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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