I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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