she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
