DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
