That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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