i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
