This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
