I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
