The police scanner is talking about you again....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
