My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
