When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
