Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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