its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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