There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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