I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
