and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
