i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
