every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
