You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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