I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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