You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
