Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it hurts more in the daytime
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
