Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
