I bet he comes in French.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
