:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
