but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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