so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
