Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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