All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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