So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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