Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
