I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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