i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
