My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
