mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's how pantless uber rides happen
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
