he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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