Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My balls are so social today.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
