You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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