my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
