Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
