Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
