Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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