Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
